Into the Cartoon World

WHAT

THE

FUCK?


What the hell is with this town? Did I enter some kinda Looney Tunes world? It's all so... fucking bright. This place makes Liberty City look like a goddamn cave.

Phil told me this was weird, but holy fuck, I feel like I'm in some Easter display on crack or somethin'. And I look like a fucking kid. This is all so cutesy and shit. If I stay here to long I'm gonna end up a damn diabetic.

Yeah the taxi driver was green, and had an accent, but I figured he was, y'know, foreign.. Jeez, every taxi driver's a bit weird. Show me cabbie who ain't and I'll show you a dead one.

Anyway, where the fuck is this Nook guy? Least I got a map from that cabbie.

I gotta get inside, the colors in this place are hurting my eyes.

On the Lamb

I gotta get the hell out of Liberty City.

I fucked up big time. I was trying to play the Danuccis against the Filonis, so they'd stop chasing after me after that little "incident" with the molotovs and the hotel last month. It didn't work though. So now ol' Sonny Petrilo has two families after him. No, wait, three. The Triads are still ticked I blew up two of their trucks last month with those RC cars. Is it my fault they make such good targets? Or that the Nicolev family paid so well to rattle those Chinamen's cages? At least the Nicolev's aren't after me. Or are they? Did they own the strip club where I shot that hooker last year? I don't remember. Eh, whatever.

So yeah, basically, I have to get the hell out of Liberty City, before I find myself on the business end of a Tec 9.

I figure a trip upstate to some Pofuck Bumblescum town is in order until the heat's off. My friend Phil knows a guy who practically runs this village called Chumley out there. Guy goes by the name of Nook. Tom Nook. He's agreed to help me resettle.

Phil tells me that stuff's different out there. Different rules and all that. Like I give a crap. I'd rather be in some weird shit backwater town then swimming with the ol' cement swim trunks if you know what I mean.

At least I don't have to see those fucking Faggios everywhere once I get out of town. I know a guy who died under the wheels of one of those things. What a fucking stupid way to go.

So all I gotta do is head on up to Chumley, and meet this gangster named Nook, resettle, maybe scam the locals a bit. Then head back here when it's calmed down. Easy enough right?